What makes me happy, though not apparent!

I ask myself, if not apparently happy, why do I not look gloomy and sad.

I have realized this world has nothing to offer 

All will lose it, the more they have and hold on to it, the more they will have to cry.

I wasn't genuinely happier when I had not much, but envy was deep within.

But now it's quite real as it just do not bother me what the world has to and not to offer 

And I have expected to expect nothing out of it.

I laugh at my self-asserted joy when I have so less; both people and asset.

And ask how can I be happy and fearless too.

I am happy since I have no yearning for life; nor fear of loss, disease, injury and death.

I ask myself why I not look forward for anything externally.

I say, man may have created the concept of God as he could not rely enough on himself.

And I have realized, no God or any can help or guide me except myself.

I am my God, I am my friend and foe too.

All will be with me when I am of some value.

But I have to and so will be with myself irrespectively.

I ask myself how could I be genuinely happy when I do not have someone to love.

I had one, she was and still remains the best.

And as nothing in this life lasts, she too didn't.

But I feel happier now; this world is crowded with fakes.

One like her is rare to have and at least for long and I am happier for at least having glimpse of her.

That is better than not meeting one ever, which many aren't lucky enough.

I ask myself what makes me happy but so casual towards life and people.

I say, I have stopped the business of pleasing or displeasing anyone.

That binds me further to life and I have realized to be with and by myself.

And still working towards; not advertising the best of me and concealing the worst in me.

I feel happier as I am trying to stop acting good.

People are so fake; it does not take them much to say "so what" when I am in a miserable state and need help.

While they are ready to lick my feet when there is something I can offer.